Having come through a very difficult separation, followed by an engagement which ended very badly, this is what I have learned.
No decision is right or wrong, it is merely a choice with consequences. I chose to stay in a bad relationship for the sake of my kids. I later chose to leave for my kids. I chose to find new love. I chose to fall in love. My ex later chose to drag me into the courts and weaponize the kids. I chose to fight in the family courts. I chose to let things get on top of me. I chose everything that I did. My fiance chose to pull away from me. My fiance chose to slam the door on me very destructively. I chose to try to reach her. She chose to go with someone else.
We chose what we do. When failure occurs we label our choices as bad ones, where at the time we were convinced they were good ones. We attempt to bargain with ourselves to absolve ourselves from any wrong doing. You cannot learn that way. You cannot learn unless you fail. Failure is not a bad word. Failure is an undesired result from an attempt to do something. Recognizing failure forces you to examine how you failed.
Forgiveness is a powerful and important characteristic to possess. When my kids do something bad I wait until the day is over to talk about it. I encourage them to recognize where they went wrong. I let them say the words out of their mouth and then be silent, so the last thing heard was their voice accepting the wrong doing. This is very powerful. No excuses are made and nothing gets in the way of accepting what has happened. sometimes my kids might cry but I tell them it’s OK. Shame has no part in this cycle. I encourage them to feel good because they are using their own voice to help correct themselves! If anything I’m proud of them in this moment. Admitting failure should be a proud and satisfying moment because it is the dawn of change. You will learn and you will change.
The human skeletal, muscular, nervous system is re-programmable by design. It is a product of routine. Everyone has the power to change. You simply choose whatever you wish to change to. If you believe you can change and you do change then that is a major victory for you and your character. Your character is the foundation block of your ego, of who you are. Personality is what others view. Personality is easily changed. Character is who you are. I ask myself, am I kind? Do I consider others points of view? Do I listen? Am I compassionate? Do I have the courage to accept things? Do I have a strong heart and a steady mind?
I don’t always answer these questions the way I want to. There are days when I make mistakes. But seeing my mistakes is a positive thing and it leads to true change. I challenge myself to change and I promise myself to keep trying. I will en-devour to become better each day. I will always be honest and earnest in my actions. If I can love myself I can be strong enough to forgive myself and truly change. That is my greatest power. The power to learn, to know better and to do better.
Choose to forgive yourself. And more importantly choose to forgive others. Show others you believe in their power to change!